~Hm...Do I Care What You Think? No~

I really don't like when people think I'm joking, when I'm dead serious. Like really...pay attention. People are so stupid sometimes. lol

xoxo Marie the Dreamer

~I Think I'll Try Defying Gravity~

I'm going to try and get to 100. Let's hope that I can! lol

1. I love dinosaurs SO MUCH
2. I like this guy who probably could care less about me
3. I don't like my little brother 90% of the time
4. I have 3 absolute best friends
5. I run into things a lot
6. I'm actually quite strange
7. I'm not popular by any means
8. I have enough time on my hands to actually write 100 things
9. I'll probably get bored by #50
10. I'm an extremely picky eater
11. I know all of the lyrics to practically every Jonas Brothers song
12. My favorite band is Green Day
13. I met Boys Like Girls
14. I'm actually a really good singer but I won't let most people listen to me
15. I played the piano for 5 years
16. I want a job
17. I love working in preschool
18. My friend's love causing drama
19. My friends have admitted to stalking me on facebook
20. I really don't like Virginia
21. I'm more of an animal person than a people person
22. I want to be a teacher when I grow up
23. I love snow, but I love beaches
24. I want to live in Canada
25. I've never been to Canada
26. I'm going next year
27. I want to be able to drive
28. I wish my mom wasn't such a bitch
29. I wish I had a bigger house
30. Banana is one of my absolute best friends!
31. I don't really like music...kinda messed up right?
32. I've never told anybody everything about me
33. I feel like if I tell people the truth, they won't like me anymore
34. I believe that some things need to be kept to yourself
35. I'm really way too honest
36. I could talk from sunrise to sunset
37. I don't really want kids
38. I hate the pressure that my mom puts on me
39. I feel like I should go visit the Other...confront him you know?
40. I wish that for once the person that I like would like me back
41. I have kissed someone before
42. I've never had a boyfriend that I'd actually count
43. I wore the sluttiest outfit yesterday while cleaning
44. I love California so much
45. Actually, I think that Cobra Starship is my favorite band
46. Gabe Saporta= <3
47. I went to 3 concerts this year
48. I love hospital food
49. If I could work in a hospital, I would
50. I love cemetaries
51. I've spent hours on end reading tombstones
52. I'm kinda creepy now that I think about it
53. I cry when I laugh sometimes
54. When I yawn, my eyes water up and it looks like I'm crying
55. I take a lot of medication that'd probably knock out most normal people
56. My family resents me a lot
57. I resent them right back
58. I laugh A LOT
59. I'm really inappropriate with sexual jokes
60. I really want chocolate right now, like you don't even understand
61. I wish I worked at Hershey Park. That'd be fantastic
62. I've always wanted to be a singer or actor but my mom would never let me go to auditions
63. I unfortunately live with my grandparents
64. I just found out a couple of months ago that I have a half-sister
65. I have yet to meet her
66. I'm going to randomly call the Other and find out about his family
67. Maybe I'll just call the Others...they'll probably tell me things about them
68. There's more money in my family than any of us know what to do with it
69. I want to go and do refugee work on the other side of the world
70. I want to go to Greece before I die
71. I have a feelings that I'm not going to live into old age
72. I have dreams that are of things that haven't happened yet...but they always do
73. I'm hoping my death dream doesn't come true...my life was miserable in it
74. I almost died at birth, that was the 1st time my card was up
75. If I tell the details of the dreams to anyone, then they don't come true
76. I know I sound crazy right now, but oh well
77. I've never been to North Carolina, even though it's the next door state
78. I was caught in a Nor'Easter in Virginia Beach. NOT PLEASANT
79. I miss Barbados and Mexico and Hawaii
80. I need a new iPod....I want one anyway
81. I've flirted with some people who I definitely shouldn't have
82. Bad boys= amazingly gorgeous
83. Freshman year, a girl at homecoming who I really don't like had the same dress as me and I wanted to rip the dress off of her
84. Boys don't get this, but if someone is even wearing the same shirt as me, I hate that person for at least that day
85. I'm not too dramatic with people
86. I get really into books
87. I love the Twilight Saga so much
88. I've re-read the books like 5 times or something
89. I'm Team Edward
90. The books make me Team Edward, but the movies make him look like the bad guy
91. Taylor Lautner's body is freaking AHHHMAZING
92. My favorite sport is hockey
93. Mike Green is the best player besides Ovechkin
94. The guy that I like stares at me all the time, and randomly pops up around me, but doesn't say anything. It's really annoying
95. I don't understand guys at all
96. Girls are EXTREMELY easy to read
97. As of right now...I wish I had two parents
98. I can't wait until I can move out
99. The song Defying Gravity is absolutely beautiful
100. My dream is to work on Broadway

xoxo Marie the Dreamer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cx-pdyNvWq0

~Got Me Looking So Crazy Right Now~

Yeah um...I got majorly embarrassed at the movies on Wednesday. hahahaha. It was so much fun, but...yeah you had to be there. I love my besties. They're the only reason I'm here. I think I broke my iPod today...I'm going to be in so much trouble. Maybe I can convince them to get me a new one for Christmas? I hope so. Anyway, Glee this week was amazing. When they performed "Imagine" it was gorgeous. Um..what else do I need to update on?! Oh...haha...I have plan for when it comes to the Other. It'll be...interesting. I figure a surprise attack is the way to go. He deserves it. Still Poptart drama...so confusing. I can't not like him though (pardon the double negative). It's just...a weird situation. He's single though so maybe I should work off of that? lol. I want to break my foot so that I don't have to do gym; lazy...yes.

xoxo Marie the Dreamer

~Wow....cursed week much?~

This week was...absolutely godawful to say the least. Whenever something bad happens to me, whether it's something major or something completely minor, I block it out. It's something that started when I was younger and I was left alone. Any unpleasant memory...I just block it out. If something absolutely devastating happens...I regress. It's a strange thing...I go back to basically being a little kid again. It's like I shut down and do things that I miss from when things were simpler. The thing is...when I've blocked something out, it never comes back. It's as if it's been permanently erased. I've had numerous breakdowns, but this week I finally got as much as I can possibly take. I let things build up...another thing that started when I was 7, but most of the time, instead of acting on my feelings, I keep it to myself. It's not a good thing to do at all. When I was younger...a lot of things happened; things that I still to this day haven't told a single person about. Nobody was ever there for me, not my family, nobody. I gave up on trusting people and actually loving them a long time ago. This is probably why I don't believe in families or any of that stuff. I never had it, so it's never been there for me to see. All of my friend's parents are unhappy too, so I had nowhere to look for any guidance at all. Basically having to do all of your growing-up by yourself is really, really hard, and that's the easy way to put it. I...have gotten to the point of not being able to deal with things anymore. I've held so much in, and it needs to stop. I need to get far away from Virginia and my "friends" and everything that just radiates negativity, which for me is this entire place. So no, I'm not a smiling, happy-go-lucky person, and yeah I get pissed sometimes, and yeah I like guys who'll never like me back, but I never make fun of someone who I know hasn't had it easy. I'm not an angel by any means, but at least I'm not a complete asshole like these people who make fun of me every single day. For all I care, they can all just go fuck themselves and then die.

xoxo Marie the Dreamer

~Why Do We Do This to Ourselves?~

Every single day we go to school...knowing that we're going to be judged no matter what we do. I get talked about constantly. Take your pick of what I get called: wannabe, whore, freak, weirdo, bitch, mean, etc... Well I'm fucking sick of it. I'm a loser, fantastic. I could care less anymore. I used to be friends with those people who we've basically elected as "populars". They'd NEVER admit it now, but we used to hang out all the time and go to birthday parties and everything like that. My friends...despite if they piss me off or if they're always my best friend it doesn't matter. I love them no matter what. They could wear no makeup and only trash bags for the rest of their lives and I would still love them and talk to them all of the time. People shouldn't be judged just by what their parents' income is. People always make such a big deal about "mom and dad" and shit like that. Well guess what? My dad won't even acknowledge me as his own child and my mother was never there, and picks random moments to actually parent me. She left me alone for the longest time and didn't show one ounce of emotion whenever she saw me. She acts more like my sister than anything else. I'm used to it but still. I've lived with my grandparents practically my entire life. Instead of actually paying attention to me, once my half-brother was born, he got all of the attention. As opposed to actually spending time with me, they always get me presents and money and just leave me to myself. Yet these are the assholes that have wanted to send me away because I'm too "different" and "strange." Well you know what? Just because I don't always fit into this shit-hole of a family doesn't mean that I'm the only messed up one. This whole concept of "family" means complete shit to me. They've never been there for me. Whenever I wasn't freaking perfect, they just added pills and shrink visits to the situation because they can't fucking deal with someone who doesn't put up with their alcoholic shit every fucking day. I hate where I live and I hate who I live with. That's not even the major shit in my life; how fucking messed up is that shit? To be completely honest, the only reason I'm still alive is because of my friends. If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't even attempt to get out of bed in the morning. I love them more than anything, and I would do anything to help them. So yeah maybe I'm a loser who's father doesn't love her and could care less if she lives or dies and my mother doesn't pay attention to the major things in my life and my family does nothing to help me and my home life is shit and I hate my life sometimes, but I have amazing friends who make me smile and laugh and love life whenever I'm around them, and I can't imagine my life any other way.

P.S. Listen to Family Portrait by P!nk. It's an amazing song in so many different ways.

P.P.S. Don't judge a book by its cover. It may be dark and gloomy until you actually take the time to read the pages.

xoxo Marie the Dreamer