~Wow....cursed week much?~

This week was...absolutely godawful to say the least. Whenever something bad happens to me, whether it's something major or something completely minor, I block it out. It's something that started when I was younger and I was left alone. Any unpleasant memory...I just block it out. If something absolutely devastating happens...I regress. It's a strange thing...I go back to basically being a little kid again. It's like I shut down and do things that I miss from when things were simpler. The thing is...when I've blocked something out, it never comes back. It's as if it's been permanently erased. I've had numerous breakdowns, but this week I finally got as much as I can possibly take. I let things build up...another thing that started when I was 7, but most of the time, instead of acting on my feelings, I keep it to myself. It's not a good thing to do at all. When I was younger...a lot of things happened; things that I still to this day haven't told a single person about. Nobody was ever there for me, not my family, nobody. I gave up on trusting people and actually loving them a long time ago. This is probably why I don't believe in families or any of that stuff. I never had it, so it's never been there for me to see. All of my friend's parents are unhappy too, so I had nowhere to look for any guidance at all. Basically having to do all of your growing-up by yourself is really, really hard, and that's the easy way to put it. I...have gotten to the point of not being able to deal with things anymore. I've held so much in, and it needs to stop. I need to get far away from Virginia and my "friends" and everything that just radiates negativity, which for me is this entire place. So no, I'm not a smiling, happy-go-lucky person, and yeah I get pissed sometimes, and yeah I like guys who'll never like me back, but I never make fun of someone who I know hasn't had it easy. I'm not an angel by any means, but at least I'm not a complete asshole like these people who make fun of me every single day. For all I care, they can all just go fuck themselves and then die.

xoxo Marie the Dreamer