Every single day we go to school...knowing that we're going to be judged no matter what we do. I get talked about constantly. Take your pick of what I get called: wannabe, whore, freak, weirdo, bitch, mean, etc... Well I'm fucking sick of it. I'm a loser, fantastic. I could care less anymore. I used to be friends with those people who we've basically elected as "populars". They'd NEVER admit it now, but we used to hang out all the time and go to birthday parties and everything like that. My friends...despite if they piss me off or if they're always my best friend it doesn't matter. I love them no matter what. They could wear no makeup and only trash bags for the rest of their lives and I would still love them and talk to them all of the time. People shouldn't be judged just by what their parents' income is. People always make such a big deal about "mom and dad" and shit like that. Well guess what? My dad won't even acknowledge me as his own child and my mother was never there, and picks random moments to actually parent me. She left me alone for the longest time and didn't show one ounce of emotion whenever she saw me. She acts more like my sister than anything else. I'm used to it but still. I've lived with my grandparents practically my entire life. Instead of actually paying attention to me, once my half-brother was born, he got all of the attention. As opposed to actually spending time with me, they always get me presents and money and just leave me to myself. Yet these are the assholes that have wanted to send me away because I'm too "different" and "strange." Well you know what? Just because I don't always fit into this shit-hole of a family doesn't mean that I'm the only messed up one. This whole concept of "family" means complete shit to me. They've never been there for me. Whenever I wasn't freaking perfect, they just added pills and shrink visits to the situation because they can't fucking deal with someone who doesn't put up with their alcoholic shit every fucking day. I hate where I live and I hate who I live with. That's not even the major shit in my life; how fucking messed up is that shit? To be completely honest, the only reason I'm still alive is because of my friends. If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't even attempt to get out of bed in the morning. I love them more than anything, and I would do anything to help them. So yeah maybe I'm a loser who's father doesn't love her and could care less if she lives or dies and my mother doesn't pay attention to the major things in my life and my family does nothing to help me and my home life is shit and I hate my life sometimes, but I have amazing friends who make me smile and laugh and love life whenever I'm around them, and I can't imagine my life any other way.
P.S. Listen to Family Portrait by P!nk. It's an amazing song in so many different ways.
P.P.S. Don't judge a book by its cover. It may be dark and gloomy until you actually take the time to read the pages.
xoxo Marie the Dreamer
aww, taylor. I'm so sorry. I must be really tough. I'm glad that you've got the chance to establish great friendships over the years. Friends are always there for you whenever your family isn't. I can imagine how you feel, but I'm not going to lie and say I know how you feel. Because honestly, I don't. All I can say is, stay strong, things might get tougher, but you're going to have to hold on. Hold on to what you've got, (friends) and it'll keep you going. You only have a few more years til college, so let's be excited. If you ever need me, just let me know. Hope I kind of helped. <3
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